The Adventures of Wolfboy

You call me the best but treat me as less.

I usually save up any change I have because I always end up needing it to take bus, but I never really have any use for the pennies so they begin to pile up. I’ve always loved the idea of a wishing well or fountain. I think it’s amazing how people can be so hopeful and optimistic. It’s childish in a good way. As people get older they tend to constantly think about getting through life rather than enjoying it. I don’t want to end up like that so I try and keep optimism and hope in my life. I’m going to keep saving every penny I get until I find someone who is willing to just sit on a fountain and make wishes with me. It’s sort of like the person I am. I’ll harbor everything about me and just bury everything down. I’ll keep people out from getting to me. But I still hope that one day I’ll find someone who I can tell everything to. So it’s a combination of a lot of things. I think it’d be a great, simple date to just sit together and make wishes, but also for me to show a person who I really am. I feel like this only makes sense in my head but then again most things do. 

“I can’t set my hopes too high ‘cause every hello ends with a goodbye”

How is it you have me so screwed up right now? I actually cried listening to Lightweight, Catch me, and Fix a Heart thinking about you and I hardly ever cry. Maybe I’m jinxing things saying this but your pretty damn amazing. You have hit so many marks on my checklist and that scares me. I’m scared. You stayed up until 4 in the morning just to talk to me. You listened to every word I said. You actually cared about what I had to say. You actually made me feel and treated me the way I’ve always wanted to feel and be treated by another person. And that scares the crap out of me. There’s so many thoughts running through my mind right now. Am I ready for this? Are you lying? Is there something wrong with you? Are you going to find something wrong with me? What if things go bad? Am I expecting to much? Would you wait? Would it be wrong to ask? Why are these thoughts going through my head? Why am I so screwed over from one night? This isn’t good at all… As cliche as it sounds the title stands. I don’t want to be hopeful for something that’ll just eventually end in a goodbye. I don’t want to open up. I’m finally standing on my own two feet. I’m finally independent and relying on myself for happiness. I don’t know if I’m ready to be knocked off again. I’m scared to fall… I don’t want to… but at the same time there’s just something about you that is unlike anyone else. Maybe I’m expecting way too much over one night but I don’t know what it is. There’s just something about you that is pulling me in. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and confused…

Give your heart a break

Two more days

Two more days and everything will pay off. All the time, energy, effort, blood, sweat, and tears will reveal itself in two days. Keep moving forward and stay strong.

I seriously just want to give up…

I don’t know if it’s my fault for not trying hard enough or not, but it just doesn’t seem like you want to hang out with me anymore. It just seems like we’ve grown out of each other and it sucks. It sucks because of all the people I call my best friend, I thought you would have been the one that was going to stick around the longest. I thought you were the one that I was going to never let go. I thought you were the one that, 20 years from now our children would be best friends or something. Lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t have a place in anyone’s life, but I thought I would always have a place in yours… until now. Maybe it’s just because I don’t get much sleep anymore and I’m stressed out to the max… I don’t know… I just miss you so damn much. I miss being able to tell you everything. I miss messing with you. I miss tackling you to the ground and giving you bear hugs. You were one of the few who truly understood me and I just feel so lost without you…

Time To Myself

After everything that I’ve been through in the past year, I’ve decided to stay single for awhile. I’ve been through a lot relationship wise in the past year and there hasn’t been any breaks. My trust, faith, and love has been tested over the course of this year. My standards, my will, and my strength have all taken a beating. My self is broken and scattered. While I am grateful for every experience I’ve had with these people, it’s time I remind myself what it’s like to be independent and rely solely on myself for happiness. It’s time I focused on myself. I’ve let my self deteriorate in order to maintain relationships. It’s time I picked up the pieces or create to ones to rebuild myself. I’m sure there will be nights where it would be nice to have someone to talk to or nights where I’ll get lonely, but it’s okay. It will give me time to rebuild the friendships I lost because of the relationships I had. It will give me time to reflect on the person I am, the person I want to be, the person I want to be with others, and the person I want to be with me. This time will be used to rebuild every part of me that has been damaged or shattered. I don’t know how long it will take. It could be a month to a year. I just know that this is a good thing for me. I’ll come out a stronger person in the end.

On and Off Relationships

I think on and off relationships that turn out successful in the end are amazing. It means that despite the fact that one of them is trying to run away the other is willing to fight for everything they have or change themselves to be with the other person. It shows that even though they fight, they both try and work things out with each other. To chase someone and fight for them is one of the best things a person can do to show their love. That’s the type of person I need to look for now. A person who will fight for me when I give up. A person who will chase me when I want to run.

In one hour…

In one hour I’m turning 17. It feels extremely bitersweet. I don’t know why but I don’t care. And it’s not that fake “I don’t care” that some people do when really they want people to care. I really just don’t care. I mean I’m grateful to be alive for another year, but there’s just so much shit and stuff that lately I’ve been blah. My birthday just doesn’t seem worth the hooplah. I don’t know. Maybe my perspective will change tomorrow.

I seriously want to learn to sing, dance, act, draw, paint, sculpt, etc.